Hello! It’s been about 8 weeks since I wrote my last blog post and now I’m sat here staring at the keyboard with no clue as to what I’m going to say! Maybe, I tell myself, it’s writers block? But no, I’ve done lots in the past 8 weeks that I could tell you about but I’m actually doubting myself as to whether any of it is interesting you to? I guess it’s the old “imposter syndrome” rearing it’s ugly head again. So what exactly is imposter syndrome? Here’s the Wikipedia definition:

Impostor syndrome is a psychological pattern in which an individual doubts their accomplishments and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a “fraud”. Despite external evidence of their competence, those experiencing this phenomenon remain convinced that they are frauds, and do not deserve all they have achieved. Individuals with impostorism incorrectly attribute their success to luck, or as a result of deceiving others into thinking they are more intelligent than they perceive themselves to be. 

Studies have shown that 70% of all people feel like impostors at one time or another so it’s good to know that I’m not the only one! Looking back it’s something which is quite a new feeling to me. It started when I finally left my part time job in sales and decided to go solo to grow my interior styling, blogging and content creating business, that I had been working on around my current job and family life. Even when I handed my notice in I was still unsure and doubting myself that I was dong the right thing. Especially when colleagues asked why I was leaving and what I was going to do. I mean how do you explain that you’re going to be a “blogger” or an “influencer” which is a title that I’m not actually too keen on, I much prefer content creator as that’s what I do!  Regardless of the fact that I’ve been doing this successfully already for the past 12 months and at the time had 50k plus followers on Instagram plus a good blog following and a growing brand. I still doubted myself. It’s a new role that many people including my friends and family don’t really understand!

I also think that the pressure has increased the longer that I’ve been doing this as there’s a certain expectation and also lots more people doing the same thing. One of the main reasons for starting my blog was to share inspiration and ideas on how you can make your house feel like home whether you are renting or a home owner and I was happy to do the best I could and just publish for the pleasure of sharing. Now there are so many incredible blogs to compare my content with. Also the older the blog gets the harder it is to keep thinking of ideas within my niche to keep everyone happy.

I feel comfortable in my appearance, I wear what I want without a second thought and put me in room full of strangers and I will chat the night away, I’ve always been know as the social butterfly to my husband. But when it comes to what I know and my work then that’s a whole different story.

Myself and Emma Dickinson, Interior design manager at BoConcept Newcastle. Photo credit Lee Gibbins photography.

Two weeks ago I hosted my very first event with BoConcept inside Fenwick, Newcastle. 52 people paid and took time out of their day to come and listen to what I had to say (more about that in my next blog post) The build up to the event was when my friend or frenemy, Imposter Syndrome was working overtime. What if none of the tickets sell? Who really wants to listen to what I’ve got too say about Interiors and Instagram? What if no one turns up? What if I totally freeze and don’t know what to say? All theses questions kept me awake at night then I got a message from Richard, Manager at BoConcept to say the tickets had all sold out…. such relief! The event went really well and I had so many lovely messages and comments afterwards to say how much they’d enjoyed the evening.Pandora, myself and. Lisa Photo credit: Sandra Baker.

Me and Lisa Dawson having fun at the NBA’s.

The week after I attended the Northern blog awards where I was shortlisted in the Best Interior blogger category. I was in two minds whether to go because it was my sons 13th birthday and there were those doubtful tones of imposter syndrome again. There were 4 other fabulous blogs in my category, I didn’t win but I’m glad that I went. Not only was it lovely spending time with Lisa and Pandora who I shared a room with, I also got to catch up with some lovely blogger friends and also meet lots of new ones. As I looked around the beautiful room at the Midlands hotel in Manchester, surrounded by talented, passionate and driven individuals and watched blogger after blogger collecting their awards on the stage. They all gave a little speech on how blogging has impacted their lives and I realised that every single blogger in that room puts their heart and soul into writing their blogs. Every single blog is different, written for different reasons, some who will love writing, some who will struggle but love working to improve their skills, some who find it a total release and find it helps with depression or anxiety. But each and every one is totally different with a different reason and niche and can’t possibly be everyones taste and interest. Also, as with everything in life, you never quite know who knows who and who is friends with who. I for sure wouldn’t like to be the one judging because each and every blogger in the room who works hard to put good content out there week after week deserved an award. I love blogging, I love the messages that I’ve received from people that I’ve helped to inspire, I love the communities that surround blogging, the people that I’ve met along the way. It is my tiny slice of the internet where I get to write what I like with no explanation and if one of you takes something away from that which helps in any way at all, then it makes it all worthwhile.

You see this is a role that has just kind of evolved. I haven’t got any official qualifications or done endless amounts of exams. It’s just me living my passions and doing what I love. I spend my days creating content for my Instagram to ensure it keeps growing, I create content for brands based on briefs that I’m provided with. Along with finding ways to turn my rented house into a home that I love and writing a blog to show ways that I’ve done this and help to inspire others. I often have to stop myself saying ‘I’m just a blogger and content creator’. Sometimes I have to remember that it’s very hard work and building my blogs has led to some amazing opportunities. As well as workshops and classes, plus online learning & podcasts,  a lot of my skills are self taught and the result of honing, practicing and a lot of time, passion and dedication.  So next time I hear that little voice, I’m going to remind myself of all these things and remember the achievements I’ve made.